It’s a universal truth: No matter what time of day it is or how jet-lagged you are from your flight, as soon as you enter that hotel room with your significant other, all you want to do is fuck. Unpacking can wait as you momentarily forget how gross those sheets probably are — all you care about is satisfying that insane hotel bed boning urge.
But… why?
For the most part, it seems, it’s all about a sense of escape. “There’s something about having no responsibilities and that sense of being taken care of that allows us to relax and have a sense of internal freedom, which is essential for sexual performance,” says Alexandra Katehakis, clinical director for the Center for Healthy Sex.
Generally speaking, when you’re in a hotel room, there’s a good chance that you’re on vacation, so the specters of work and home are the furthest things from your mind. Of course, if you have kids on vacation with you, then you should expect your hotel room to be as devoid of sex as every other day of your life, but assuming you don’t have any kids, or you found a babysitter, you’re probably on some sort of a break, which will chill you out and allow you to “connect to your sexual selves,” Katehakis says.
“People in a relationship have more sex on vacation than they do when they’re at home,” Katehakis shares, reiterating that the biggest reason for this is “a shedding of adult responsibility, which allows us to be in more of a play state.” And according to sex therapist Catherine O Dowd from Creative Sexpression, that sense of play can also extend to actual role playing. “You could act out sexual fantasies in a hotel room. One of you could pretend to be room service or an escort… the possibilities are endless,” Dowd says. Because of this “playtime” sensation that comes with a hotel room, Dowd shares that she will often recommend that a couple feeling sexually bored should go get themselves a hotel room and have a “dirty weekend” somewhere.
Weirdly, it doesn’t seem to matter whether you choose an upscale “dirty weekend” or you decide on some hourly hole-in-the-wall — the same sexiness applies. (Katehakis comments on how a sleazy motel may be part of some people’s fantasy, while Dowd offers that an upscale hotel may offer “a sense of hedonism.”) Instead, more important than the swankiness (or not) of the decor is the notion of a space that “hasn’t been christened yet,” says Dowd. “The idea of it not being your bed seems a little naughty,” she continues, and many people may get excited by a hotel room as a chance for a bit of exhibitionism, including fucking with the windows open or being as loud as you want to be. Simply the idea of not having anyone who knows you can lead to a break down of inhibitions.
Conversely, it may also provide some much-needed privacy. Katehakis explains that many people, especially women, feel worried about having sex as it may wake the kid, or they’re simply not relaxed enough to get in the mood, But by freeing themselves from the worries of home and entering into a romantic setting, it provides “our own little cocoon, because no one knows we’re here,” Katehakis says.
The hotel room isn’t just a sex haven for exhausted parents, of course — pretty much everyone seems to relate them to sex. “With single people, sometimes just going into a hotel room can be sexually exciting because of the unwritten expectation that sex is meant to happen here,” Dowd says. She even had a single client tell her that being in a hotel, especially if you have a job on the road, provides an environment perfect for one-night stands. It gives this idea that whatever happens in, say, Omaha, Nebraska will remain in Omaha, Nebraska (more specifically, on the mattress you leave behind).
As for why this feeling is so universal, Kevin, who’s worked in a major hotel chain for eight years, says that he thinks the media has something to do with it. “I remember growing up in the 1980s and seeing hotel rooms as sensationalized. That’s where you would go for adultery or prostitutes, or there’s even that old joke about adult movies on the hotel bill. I especially remember the movie Bachelor Party and how it was all about this crazy stuff that happens in a hotel room.”
“Hotels are great because they’re sanctuaries of sleep and sex,” says Dowd, summing things up nicely. Everything else is provided for you — especially when it comes to the cleanup, which was a recurring theme in the sexual appeal of the hotel room. One of Dowd’s clients points out that there’s a tremendous amount of freedom in “not having to clean the sheets… or the walls, or the curtains.”
It’s easy to understand: Not having to do the laundry may be the single greatest amenity a hotel has to offer, allowing for more debauchery than one would ever permit if they had to actually clean up after themselves.
Just remember to generously tip your hotel staff — they’ve earned it.
Brian VanHooker
Brian VanHooker is a writer at MEL. He is the co-creator of the John O'Hurley pilot ‘The Tramp’ and co-created 'Barnum & Elwood.’ He also hosts a TMNT interview podcast.
