Please. Call me “Papa.”
“Father” is too formal, “Dad” is too lame and “Daddy” is appropriation.
But “Papa” is what young, hip parents are asking (begging!) their children to call them, says The Daily Beast:
“I just think ‘dad’ and ‘mom’ are very Saved by the Bell-ish,” said Will Grose, 36, a Brooklyn father of three boys under the age of 5: Axel, Oscar (“Ozzy”), and Balthazar (“Bo”). He estimated that half of the children in his 4-year-old son’s Williamsburg preschool call their fathers “papa.”
Either way, someone better warn these papas that the real joy of parenthood is slowing pushing your children out of your house, lest they post up in the basement forever. It’s not crazy: “Young adults are now more likely to live with their parents than in any other living arrangement, according to a recent report by the Pew Research Center,” writes Priceonomics. And while “men have gotten press lately for earning degrees at lower rates than women and entering the workplace in decreasing numbers, [they] found that males and females are virtually even when it comes to living at home.”
Other ways to get your freeloader children out of the house? Pay other people to legally kidnap them:
Several of her teen clients who attended residential programs attribute their post-traumatic stress disorder to the youth transport services that picked them up. One client said she was taken when an SUV pulled up next to the family car. Another described two large men escorting her from a restaurant where she was eating with friends.
They always said moving out was pretty stressful. Less stressful, maybe, is moving in with a partner, but first you have to find one. Pro tip? According to science, you should grow a beard. If you can’t grow a beard, find one to stick on there:
…Masculine faces are judged as more attractive for short-term relationships over less masculine faces, whereas beards are judged as more attractive than clean-shaven faces for long-term relationships.
Who ever said science wasn’t helpful? Another helpful science thing: Sexism can make you sick:
“In general, individuals who conformed strongly to masculine norms tended to have poorer mental health and less favorable attitudes toward seeking psychological help, although the results differed depending on specific types of masculine norms,” said lead author Y. Joel Wong, PhD, of Indiana University Bloomington.
…And “diving in” to the alt-right? That can also make you sick, learned one guy who watch a bunch of videos on YouTube and felt himself… being convinced:
I unsubscribed and unfollowed from everything, and told myself outright: “You’re becoming a racist. What you’re doing is turning you into a terrible, hateful person.” Until that moment I hadn’t even realised that “alt-right” was what I was becoming; I just thought I was a more open-minded person for tolerating these views.
To think, that guy almost had what takes to be a pick-up artist. Many of them, as it turns out, are into the Trump thing:
Newton, a 38-year-old dating coach who says he travels the world offering confidence-boosting mentorships and boot camps to his male clients, is among a vocal group of men online who see Trump’s election not just as a cultural victory but as a validation of their own misogynistic philosophies and aggressive techniques for picking up women. In the large anti-feminist network of YouTube videos, blogs and Reddit communities loosely known as “the manosphere,” thousands of men share their views on Trump, comparing his political ascent to their own sexual conquests and analyzing his every move as an embodiment of traditional masculinity.
But nothing truly grabs female (or male!) attention like the allure of a bare-chested man. If there’s anything useful to take away from this week, it’s to learn from celebrities and to go topless — whenever you can:
Here, Reynolds highlights his agency over his own objectification: He got to pick the photo; he did it not because he wanted to show off his body, but because he thought it could serve a utilitarian purpose. Gurley Brown shored up his masculinity in a different way, telling gossip columnist Joyce Haber, “He’s got a beautiful body. He’s adorable, and I can assure you he’s totally heterosexual.”
Reynolds also deflected the notion that being a sex symbol would somehow feminize him, admitting, “I expect to be the butt of jokes. Every time I get on a plane now, broads whistle. But that’s okay. I happen to like women.” Like Morrison and other shirtless musicians, being a sex symbol isn’t feminizing if people think you’re having a mind-boggling amount of sex.
So, let’s see it. Strip!