Can I tell you how much I loved reading about Jo Johnson, brother of U.K. Prime Minister Boris Johnson, resigning from Parliament because he doesn’t think Boris can get a Brexit deal? Even the New York Times had an uncharacteristic giggle at the familial drama, calling it both “Shakespearean” and “Freudian” in the space of a single headline. Don’t get me wrong, watching Boris fall flat on his face the moment he assumed power has been entertaining on almost every level, but the sibling betrayal? I didn’t even know he had a brother in government.
Beautiful. Flawless. Perfection.
News of Jo Johnson's resignation came through during the daily Lobby briefing held by the PM's spokesman. Safe to say Downing Street did not have a clue this was coming.
— Kevin Schofield (@PolhomeEditor) September 5, 2019
Is this the first time a politician has resigned to spend less time with their family?
— Darren Boyle 🇮🇪🇪🇺 (@misterscoop) September 5, 2019
Our third edition @EveningStandard as we have the latest on Jo Johnson’s resignation pic.twitter.com/nDOQrE8l6a
— George Osborne (@George_Osborne) September 5, 2019
Perhaps best of all, the backstabbing pissed off exactly the people you’d hope it would.
I’d put unwavering loyalty to my brothers before ‘the national interest’ – every single time.
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) September 5, 2019
Couldn’t the U.S. political scene use a little more of this brother-on-brother antagonism? Imagine if, out of nowhere, Robert Trump — yes, he’s a real person, and the younger brother of our very bad president — started speaking at Bernie Sanders rallies? Hell, what if Bernie’s 84-year-old brother Larry Sanders began stumping for Elizabeth Warren? Pure, awesome chaos. A season of fraternal treachery.
We’ve been in such a rush to decide whether Eric or Don Jr. is more of a Fredo that we forgot that a real Fredo has to turn against his brother first. Their dumbassery doesn’t really count until one of them becomes a federal witness to save himself. We need the energy of a family that does attack ads about their shittiest member. The Bidens are way ahead on this: Joe’s bro is fucking up huge on the corruption side, while his son Hunter dated his dead bro’s widow — after a crack binge, naturally. Top-tier brother nonsense.
Talk about an awkward family dinner – GOP Rep. Paul Gosar saw some familiar faces in the latest attack ad against him…his own siblings. Jennifer Gosar tells me why she decided to speak out against her brother: pic.twitter.com/Dj2st0hioU
— Ana Cabrera (@AnaCabrera) September 23, 2018
And hey, you know what’s usually kind of boring? Baseball! Nothing against the sport, it’s a great way to unwind and spend $14 on a hot dog while you get sunburned — it’s just never been that spicy of a spectacle. You definitely up the stakes when, as during a recent Marlins-Pirates game of no actual significance, you have a younger brother (Colin Moran) batting versus an older brother (Brian Moran) who also happens to be making his major-league debut as a relief pitcher. Of course dude struck him out looking! That’s classic bullying among brothers. You genuinely love to see it. Please fire all baseball players and replace with brothers.
There should be no outs without some sibling embarrassment.
Brother on brother crime!
Brian Moran strikes out his younger brother Colin Moran
(Via @MLB)pic.twitter.com/SSTVSV6X9o
— FOX Sports: MLB (@MLBONFOX) September 6, 2019
*Very best mom voice* BRIAN, don’t punch out your brother!!
The Moran brothers are the first since 1900 to face each other in an @MLB at bat during a debut.
Brian ended it with his first career strikeout. pic.twitter.com/Ch9nmQcAAI
— Miami Marlins (@Marlins) September 6, 2019
It all goes back to Cain and Abel, baby. Prince John vs. King Richard. Christopher and Peter Hitchens not talking to each other for years because of some tortuously convoluted joke about communism. That’s the good stuff, man.
Got a brother? Time to betray him. Everybody’s doing it. Here’s a guy on Reddit saying he lost a trivial amount of money from his pocket when he broke his nose, and found out almost 20 years later that his brother had stolen it: “I felt betrayal like no other.” Outstanding work. Oh, and I bet you forgot that Barack Obama has an estranged half-brother in Kenya who is… really not a fan. He wears the MAGA hat and everything. Wild.
I did not betray my brother Barack Obama. My brother Barack Obama betrayed me!
— Malik Obama (@ObamaMalik) January 8, 2017
My brother saw me in sleep paralysis and said he didn't wanna wake me up. I feel betrayed
— feezy (@_turbothots) June 30, 2017
I wish this was planned, but my brother betrayed me when I was just trynna sum my day up for the snap pic.twitter.com/YsAlcVIM1O
— Phil (@phillipandreww) December 13, 2017
As for me, well, my little brother is always punching me in the shoulder, probably because I loved to beat him up when we were kids, so I’m considering some kind of steel apparatus to wear under my shirt in the hopes that he really hurts his hand whenever he tries it next. He’s also engaged now, which means I have the option of ruining his wedding — particularly if he makes the mistake of appointing me Best Man. I suspect, however, that he’s already considered this and is figuring out how to neutralize the threat, or even send me to the wrong venue.
Because that’s the deal with brothers, dude: You gotta betray them before they betray you.
i hope everyone gets betrayed by their brother on this glorious day
— Backwards Modron (@BackwardsModron) September 5, 2019