Always Pee in the Pool

Let it go — you know you want to

Pop-Tarts Should Never Be Toasted

It’s a boxed pastry. There’s no need to get fancy with a bougie-ass char

The Water Park Is the Beach You’re Looking For

Sure, there’s a lot of piss. But there’s also a lot of fun to be had in that piss.

Ice Cream Is a Million Times Better When It’s Half Melted

If you say you don’t have a similarly weird food preference, then you, sir, are a liar