Article Thumbnail

What Men Do When Their Wives Are Gone for the Weekend

Dudes on Reddit are surprisingly chill when they get the place to themselves

If you believe in clichés, you might expect some men to hop directly on the coke-fueled party train to Stripper Town the moment their wives leave them alone for any significant period of time. But according to these responses from the recent, “What would you do if your wife was away for an entire weekend?” Reddit thread, guys are actually surprisingly tame when their wives are gone (sic, obviously, throughout):

This Guy Would Spend the Weekend Sulking

Commenter svenson_26 says that he would “eat food that she doesn’t like, watch movies that she doesn’t like and probably just mope around missing her all weekend.” I feel you, my dude.

This Guy Would Hang With Friends (When He Wasn’t Missing His Wife)

“I would go out and hang out with my friends during the evenings,” commenter Lumber-Jacked writes. “But during the day, and when I came home at night, I’d be walking around like, ‘Man, lounging around the house is a lot more fun when I have someone to talk to while doing it.’”

This Guy Would Exercise Nonstop

Commenter white_butterfly1 explains that he would “100-percent go out all day running! She gets lonely when I go out and run all the time, so being able to go out literally all day would be amazing.” I don’t understand this, but good for you, white_butterfly1?

This Guy Would Eat Crap, Drink Crap and Lounge on the Couch

Commenter TheOldGuy54 lays out his when-the-wife-is-gone plans with the following bullet points:

“#1 Underwear and T-shirt
“#2 Steak with a side of sausage, cheese, more meat, ice cream, chips
“#3 BEER!
“#4 Edibles
“#5 Sofa
“#6 TV Remote all to myself

“I would bet that 80 percent of married men are doing this when the wife is gone, while she’s spending 100-percent of the time worrying about other women and strip joints.”

This Guy Would Just Be Totally Helpless

Appropriately-named commenter DejectedHead writes, “I usually become worthless, drunk, and don’t even sleep in my own bed.” Which poses the question: Where do you sleep when the wife is gone, DejectedHead? Hmm?

This Guy Would Bust Out the Xbox

“Play games,” commenter deloaded explains. “I don’t really get to anymore, but I’ve been dying to start Far Cry.” Deloaded also writes that he would “invite my brother over and grill steaks.” Wholesome!

This Guy Would Reflect on His Life (And His Wife)

Commenter IdahoePotatoe writes, “Honestly, I follow all the previous comments for sure, but I have one thing to add. Take 10 minutes after you’ve put the kids down, go outside, sit alone and just be thankful for your wife. Maybe even think of a nice surprise you could set up for her… then go back to whatever else you were gonna do and enjoy the weekend.” D’aww.

This Guy Would Watch His Children

“I’d look after the kids,” commenter disco54 emphasizes. “Enjoy your youth gentleman.” I’ll try.

This Guy Wouldn’t Move An Inch

Commenter ILovetoEatLobster writes that he would “do absolutely fucking nothing.” Not even eat lobster, ILovetoEatLobster!?!?

This Guy Would Do Her a Favor

Commenter 169030716 explains that he would “listen to Hendrix and build her the shelves she’s been asking for. Watch the original Conan The Barbarian. Spend day two waiting for her to come home.” Truly, this is what is best in life.