Only you can figure out what you really want in a romantic partner — and then go looking for it. And if you’re going to articulate the personal qualities you find most attractive, it helps to be imaginative. Take this thoughtful dating criterion, for example.
New dating criteria: only date him if you can picture him coaching your child's little league team
— Tress (@tressthemess_) August 2, 2016
Simple as this sounds, there’s a lot packed in here: The guy to date is 1) open to marriage and kids, 2) likely to become an involved parent and member of the community, 3) a natural leader, and 4) possessed of a wholesome, all-American vibe. These are specific standards, but they’re broad — lots of different kinds of men could meet them — and they are likely to offer the best chance at long-term compatibility.
Then you have the so-called “666 Rule,” which has circulated on Twitter for years:
666 rule of dating:
6 inch dick
6 figure salary
6 ft tall— mr fahrenheit (@pulpxfixtion) December 18, 2018
666 rule
6 feet, 6 inches, & 6 figures— rahmatllah ? (@Rahmatlluuuh) February 22, 2015
The 666 Rule is surely catchier, or meme-ier, than the Little League Coach Rule. It’s unapologetically shallow, a little bit crude and a pretty funny straight-woman rejoinder to hetero dudes still hung up on cup size or the blonde/brunette distinction. (No wonder the incel crowd takes offense at it.) Probably no one follows it in earnest, and, according to some weirdos who have crunched the numbers, a woman trying to is likely to be lonely: An eligible man who hits all three sixes is notably rare. Then, of course, a man who does fit the bill may additionally be a toxic, unfaithful, boring piece of shit. Whoops!
Livin by the 666 rule
— Madeline Graves/Smith (@madelliinnnee) December 7, 2018
The trouble is, you can never quite tell how serious a tweet is. As a joke, the 666 Rule is pointed and smart: All men are trash, so you may as well find one that meets the desired physical and financial dimensions. As a supposed life hack, however — the kind that gets ingrained, mantra-like, through viral repetition in social media spaces — it runs the risk of becoming accepted wisdom, when it’s clearly not practical as advice.
Dating isn’t a sequence of job interviews where you have a checklist of qualifications to run through. Neither is it a quest in which you compare real humans to a spreadsheet version of your ideal companion until you get a perfect fit. Love, as I’ve known it, is always going to be messier than that, and it tends to blossom outside expectations.
Everyone remember the 666 rule for dating men. ??
— ＳＥＲＡ． (@exxtas) December 13, 2018
6 inch cock, a 6 figure salary, and at least 6 feet tall. Otherwise, don't date them. ??⚕️
— ＳＥＲＡ． (@exxtas) December 13, 2018
Though maybe we are just talking “dating,” a less serious proposition than lifelong commitment, in which case a tall, well-paid guy with a half-foot dong is a solid option (at least on paper). It’s up to you! That’s the whole conceit. You don’t need to borrow someone else’s standards because they’re clever or memorable, and the countless fluff listicles explaining whether a person is right or wrong for you can cloud your inner truth on this question. The world isn’t going to decide this stuff — you are. If a 6-inch cock, 6-foot height and six-figure salary are what’ll make you happy, chase that dream. But I’d humbly submit, in the immortal words of Meat Loaf, that “two out of three ain’t bad.”
Miles Klee
Miles Klee is MEL’s resident tank-top dirtbag, shitposter and meme expert. He’s also the author of the novel ‘Ivyland’ and a story collection, ‘True False.’
