The only surefire way to ever truly know what something tastes like is to taste it for yourself, and dick is no exception. But complicating that matter is the fact that taste itself is an abstract concept. As most of us don’t consider the human penis to be a food item, our descriptive powers are further limited by the fact that we can’t as easily compare it to some of our more familiar flavors.
Or can we?
Insanely Good Recipes describes the taste of avocado as “very subtle… earthy, grassy and nutty but fresh. Some people even describe it as buttery.” It’s this “subtle” and “fresh” assessment that seems most accurate when it comes to peen, though. When the dick is clean — like, fresh-out-of-the-shower-clean — there’s almost a hint of soap to the flavor, but it’s still quite mild, and you really have to search for discernible flavor notes. Meanwhile, it lacks any of the saltiness that accumulates from sweat, but a bit of that natural skin-based umami still pokes through. Try washing any part of your skin and then licking it — the taste won’t be all that different.
Inverting things, Filipino influencer Bretman Rock has also discussed whether avocados taste like clean dick, rather than clean dick tasting like avocado. His assessment was that store-bought avocados do taste more like clean dick, whereas the avocados that grow on his property have more of a “buttery” flavor. Meanwhile, adult model Lucy Everleigh tells me that she believes clean dick tastes specifically like unripe avocado.
But what about unclean dick?
This can vary depending on the person. We all carry unique bacteria that dictates our body odor, compounded with myriad lifestyle habits that can further shape the stink. Because dicks are usually hidden away in underwear and pants, they can often sweat more easily and accumulate more odor than the rest of the body. Basically, it doesn’t take that long for the avocado taste to dissipate.
Most commonly, lightly sweaty dick is said to taste a little salty — again, like skin itself often does. But beyond just “sweaty,” it’s possible for dick flavor to manifest in wildly different ways. “Usually/ideally, dick tastes like nothing or skin,” Molly Guinn, associate editor at Digg, tells me. “Worst case? It tastes like something I could not possibly put into words.” To wit, a 2016 Thought Catalog article documented 24 people’s attempt to answer the question of what dick tastes like, and many of the responses are horrific — cheese, mushrooms, salty coins in milk, dirty laundry, the list goes on. If there’s leftover pee residue, it often tastes like how a urinal smells.
I hope and pray the Thought Catalog respondents have since had better experiences. Dick doesn’t have to taste like much of anything, after all — unlike cum, it has no inherent flavor. If for some reason you’re worried about your own taste, you should take some comfort in the fact that a good shower can wash away all your sins. And if it’s been a few hours since your last one and someone is about to taste it themselves, they’ll probably only get a hint of salt with it.
But really, there’s only one way to know what dick tastes like, and that’s to try it for yourself. Or just buy some avocados and use your imagination.