I feel like most college kids have a “wild” college dorm room story. I know I do. My floormates and I were crazy. UC Berkeley-Sproul Hall 2002, wha wha! This one time—no joke—my buddy Dave peed in the elevator. Insane, right? Even crazier: We once snuck a pony keg past security via a laundry cart and a blanket. Like, whut? We broke all the rules!
Then I read this piece on RAs and all the insane shit they’ve witnessed. And can I just say: Damn! My college experience might as well have been at BYU.
Experience that insanity and everything else from MEL today, below.
Must Read
“The Guys (And Girlfriends) Who Raise Money for Alleged Sexual Abusers on GoFundMe”
A Critic On… ‘First Man’
On what it is: “Ryan Gosling plays Neil Armstrong, the emotionally guarded pilot who will become the first human being to set foot on the moon. Gosling’s Armstrong is a driven, pragmatic guy, consumed more with getting the job done right than receiving any personal glory along the way.”
On the bad news first: “First Man is a snapshot of a certain brand of rugged, macho individualism that’s not nearly as fashionable as it once was.”
On Armstrong’s 1960s-era “right stuff”: “Armstrong is the kind of American male we tend to admire: unfussy, unpretentious, exuding a can-do spirit. Humans are flawed, fickle creatures, First Man tells us, but Armstrong was different, better. And while the movie mourns for its protagonist’s emotional unavailability, it argues that, ultimately, it was worth it.”
On the problem with all of that: “That vision of heroism is awfully old-fashioned—and also potentially reactionary.”
On wanting more effort: “La La Land director Damien Chazelle doesn’t really try to puncture Armstrong’s heavily armored exterior.”
On Gosling gonna Gosl: “Gosling has made a career playing strong, silent types like this. He’s mostly portrayed emotionally distant leading men in movies like Drive and Only God Forgives. (He was perfect as a replicant in Blade Runner 2049.)”
On how you’ll learn to stop worrying about First Man’s flaws and love it, instead: “First Man is a captivating, skillfully made biopic.”
Read the rest of Tim Grierson’s take on First Man, here — including why Tig Notaro would’ve made a better Janet Armstrong than Claire Foy, whether one major plot point involving a bracelet is actually true and just how ridiculous all that pre-release hullabaloo was about the lack of an American flag on the moon—considering how very many (too many?) cameos the stars-and-stripes actually make.
Like Buttah
Why would anyone in their right mind want to replace butter, with, well, not butter? Butter is delicious. Especially on naan. And all things considered, it’s really not that bad for you! But I’m no gatekeeper, so I assume some of you have a container of margarine in your refrigerator, and to that I say, “more power to you, guy-who’s-watching-his-waistline.” But are you?!?
Oooh. At least one of those ingredients does not do the body good. Care to find out which?
Men Go Deep, Too
Deep-throating: If you can do it, God bless you, because you’ll likely earn yourself a mate for life. But the whole thing’s kind of unfair, no? After all, hetero men don’t know what it’s like to choke on a dick. Or do they? A recent Reddit thread posed the question, “what’s the hetero male equivalent of deep-throating?” and boy, did dudes have answers. Well, mainly joke answers:
- Marriage
- $200,000-plus annual income
- Chugging a beer from a funnel
- Red wings (period sex)
- Red beard (period oral sex)
Hardy har har, you guys. But buried in all the bullshit was one real answer, and it’s spot on.
But They Could Go Deeper
Hey guys, I know you love your Cormac McCarthy, your Malcolm Gladwell and every one of these Bro Bibles, but how about you mix in some female writers, k? Miles Klee, a novelist himself, has a rule worth following: After you finish a book by a man, the next one you pick up has to be a woman’s. Who knows, you might find out you prefer the latter to the former.
24-Hour Party People
Elon Musk is famous for his 120-hour work weeks. David Blaine is famous for doing magic—all day, every day, with everyone. Both men have admitted to not being able to “turn it off”—“it” being the desire to keep working, often at the expense of others. While the fact that both of these men are titans of their respective industries might explain why they continue to be so driven, overworking is hardly a unique quality reserved for the rich and powerful—you probably know someone who works too hard, or possibly are one of the people who can’t turn it off yourself. Andrew Fiouzi spoke to two psychotherapists about the possible factors that prevent someone from being able to unwind, and how to force our brains to find our beach.
Resident Advisors See the Darndest Things
For real. Every day at universities across this great nation of ours, batshit insane things are happening in dorm rooms, hallways and bathrooms. And RAs are there to witness—and a lot of the time, clean up—everything. Octopus in the toilet, anyone?
Jeff Gross
Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.
