NoFappers and Their Dick Chastity Cages, Justice for Chronic Coughers and RIP, r/NBAStreams

As a subscriber to a different sports-streaming subreddit (no names to protect its identity), it really gets my goat watching the NBA ruthlessly crush the hopes and dreams of NBA buffs forced to pirate games by the league’s insane blackout rules. If NBA Commissioner Adam Silver hates fans watching, discussing and sharing the NBA’s content so much, why not take the next (il)logical step and delete League Pass, or heck, cut out TV entirely?

Follow my logic: If more access begets more fans, and more fans begets more money in the league’s coffers, shouldn’t they encourage streaming, at least among those affected by blackouts? I mean, I never took economics but that’s how it works, no?

I guess a bird in the hand is worth more than two in the bush, eh, Silver?

Must Read

“The Compulsive Masturbators Trying to Cure Themselves with Chastity Cages”
Millennial men who grew up in the age of easy-to-access internet porn often believe that they’re “addicted” to pornography and masturbation, even though there’s a fair amount of evidence to suggest that such addiction isn’t scientifically valid. Still, there are hundreds of thousands of “NoFappers” online who are attempting to either dramatically restrict their masturbation habits or stop them completely because they believe it’s the very thing that’s ruining their relationships (and lives). Their solution? Cages around their dicks. READ MORE

Cult of Personality

Imagine applying for a job you’re eminently qualified for, nailing the interview and then losing out on the position at the last minute — because you failed a personality quiz. Sounds like something out of a dystopian office drama, but that really happens more often than you’d think, because personality tests like MPPI, HBDI and Myers-Briggs have gained an almost cultish devotion in HR circles. Have we put too much faith in tools with little to no scientific foundation?

Can’t Stop *Cough* Won’t Stop *Cough*

Miles Klee feels for Mick Mulvaney, Trump’s Chief of Staff and hater of consumers (and acronyms). Klee feels for Mulvaney, because as a chronic cougher he, too, has hacked up a lung at inopportune moments as Mulvaney did this week in front of a very annoyed president:

Should the serial coughers of our society be shamed and shunned? Klee is not so sure.

Women on FIRE

Earlier this year, Madeleine Holden took you inside the extremely frugal world of financial independence and early retirement (FIRE), a society of men so invested in retiring young they’d rather shower once a week than waste money on water. FIRE, however, is not limited to just guys — women are as determined to live off five cents a day and move to Aruba at age 39 as men are.

Making a Statement

When it comes to their clothes, many men are terrified of standing out in a crowd. Andrew Fiouzi spoke to three menswear experts to find out how men’s fashion has changed over the years, as well as why men are so afraid of trying out a new look.

If Your Aren’t Drinking Water, You Aren’t Working Out

Lugging a water bottle around the gym might seem like a nuisance, considering we don’t always get thirsty when we work out. But if you’re like a lot of us who already aren’t getting enough H2O to drink during the day, leaving water at home might not only risk leaving you dehydrated, but limit the effectiveness of your workouts, too.

Abandon All Hope, All r/NBAStreams Users Who Enter Here

On June 17, 2019, Reddit’s r/NBAstreams was finally shut down. No longer could cord-cutting NBA fans left out in the cold by the league’s draconian blackout rules find pirated streams of games they’d otherwise be unable to watch. It was a move by the NBA that hurt as much as it confused, considering how little financial sense the move made taking the streams away from fans who can’t watch their favorite teams anyways. Quinn Myers talked to streamers, mods, NBA media experts and Mark Cuban himself about the purging of a beloved online NBA community.

Let’s Talk About S-E-X

Words With Friends is weird, man. You might assume you’re on the app to sharpen your wits against like-minded knock-off Scrabble aficionados, but it seems a lot of men in the game would rather slide into your chats with a creepy “wyd” than play a Triple Word score.

No stranger to WWF stranger-danger herself, Magdalene Taylor charts this disturbing new trend.

We Need to Talk About Kevin (Jonas)

Ten years ago, the Jonas Brothers were the biggest band in the world. Today, it’s JoBro déjà vu: They’ve got a No. 1 album, a surprisingly good Amazon documentary and celebrity marriages to Priyanka Chopra (Nick) and Sophie Turner (Joe). They’re the same boy band you remember: Nick still has a penchant for too-tight suits, and Joe remains a lovable goofball. One thing has changed, though, besides their tendency to flat-iron their hair: Kevin Jonas, the eldest, is all growns up — and by growns up, we mean his stans consider him a major DILF.

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Jeff Gross

Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.