As a major anxiety sufferer and California resident, I’ve had a prescription for medical marijuana since 2006. In the decade since, I have tried — and made — all sorts of crazy cannabis products, but these days every time I go to the dispensary I see some new thing that you can eat or drink or rub on your body. As a public service, I decided to test out some of the more intriguing options to see whether they live up to the hype.
I’m getting high for you, folks, and don’t you forget it.
So what happened this week, when I tried some kief-infused honey from Humble Farms? Did I take an hourlong bath? Did I find out my roommate is dating a legit fuckboy? Did I, after weeks of avoiding spoilers, get real mad at one of my romantic partners for a particularly egregious tweet about a Game of Thrones plot twist? Let’s find out.
Product: Humble Farms honey straws
Ingredients: Honey, kief, coconut oil. (For those of you who don’t frequent the dispensary, kief is the crystal-like hairs that can be sifted off marijuana buds. It is often used to enhance the smoking of bud, but this is the first time I’ve seen an edible labeled as containing simply kief.)
Purchased from: Organic Kind delivery service. (Note: If you had told me 10 years ago that in the future I could text someone and they would bring whatever marijuana products I wanted to my house, it really would have helped alleviate all that crippling depression in college.)
Suggested dosage: There’s very little information on the honey straw itself, but I’m going to go ahead and assume that the suggested dosage is one whole straw, which contains 60mg of marijuana kief.
Actual dosage: After my last column’s successful encounter with the 50mg peanuts, I decided to eat just one straw, since the amount of THC should be similar.
Flavor: I dunno, guys. I’ve had weed honey before and enjoyed the taste more than this. I don’t know if it was the coconut oil or what, but the marijuana flavor was very strong, and even when I mixed it in with some jasmine green tea, it wasn’t especially pleasant to drink.
The High: It was, to put it bluntly, unremarkable—although with edibles, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Better an unremarkable night than one where you end up catatonic on the kitchen floor after accidentally eating all of your roommate’s Häagen-Dazs ice cream bars.
I definitely did get high, and I will say that it helped take away a lot of the pain that still lingered in my legs after a Friday night spent drunkenly dancing, fucking a girl in a bathroom and then having a delightful threesome. It was an amazing night but oh, man, were my thighs sore.
After eating the honey and taking a long, hot bath, I can finally walk without wincing. It’s important to remember that marijuana really is medicine, and while it can be good for the brain, it’s also very good for the body.
As far as my mental high went, I was extremely cogent and not at all anxious. I got caught up on Game of Thrones and forgave the boy for his spoiler when he sent me an apologetic picture of his cute dog and his own very cute face. I texted with the girl from the threesome and had a great talk about non-binary sexuality and how hard it is to pick up women when you’re a femme who also wants to fuck other femmes. My roommate came home and told me how the guy she’s been seeing is turning out to be a real tool in all the most predictable ways, and I wish I had better advice to give her other than “don’t date manipulative fuckboys” (which I previously dished out on my THC-peanut high).
I didn’t masturbate or get the munchies, at least not until I got into a conversation about pasta at 12:30 a.m., but even then I was able to resist gorging on snacks. It’s not often that I have such willpower, and I don’t know if it was the honey or the fact that making a girl cum is a great way to feel like a powerful demigod who is capable of conquering all things.
Conclusion: An even three out of six pot leaves for the Humble Farms honey. It was quite enjoyable in a medicinal way and didn’t turn me into a spacey moron or make me pass out, which I was slightly afraid of. The taste could have been better, and I think next time I’ll try doubling the dosage, but for a relaxing night in, it turned out to be an excellent choice.