Every day, porn star and University of Southern California journalism grad student Tasha Reign wakes up to a curious string of emails from her fans, a devoted group of men and women she lovingly refers to as “Reigndeer.” Said Reigndeer ask her questions — so many questions — about her perspectives on sex, love, relationships and life itself, and as someone who’s had more firsthand experience in these areas than four adult women combined, she’s become uniquely up to the task of answering them. Every other week then, Tasha will select a few of these questions and grace us with her insight, advice and expert wisdom in the hopes that she can help you fuck and love long, too.
I keep hearing that eye contact is sexy, but every time I hold someone’s gaze for too long, it either creeps them (or me) out. How much eye contact are you supposed to make when you’re flirting or having sex with someone?
This question comes up in my mind a lot, especially when I’m making out with my boyfriend. Do I look at him? Do I close my eyes and enjoy the moment? What should I do? I recently read something from fellow porn star Asa Akira that said she likes to stare at the person she’s fucking during sex. And you know what? I do, too. Recently, I’ve started to look at my boyfriend Kyle while we make out. I don’t know why; I just like to watch him. He, on the other hand, closes his eyes almost immediately when we start kissing. We differ in that regard, but it works for us. We know each other, so we understand each other’s intent, and it’s pretty clear by this point that neither of us are total creeps.
It’s a different story when you’re flirting or hooking up with someone new and you don’t know them well enough to know if their 30-yard stare means they’re going to murder you or if it’s just their way of connecting. In that case, confidence and paying attention to your partner’s body language are going to be key. You might really want to hold eye contact with the hot brunette at the bar, but has she shown any interest in you? What is her body language telling you? If she’s facing you, holding your gaze and the whole thing feels natural, you’re probably golden. If she keeps looking away or squinting at you with that “What the fuck?!?!” look on her face, it’s best to let up.
After all, most people aren’t used to direct eye contact and holding a gaze with someone else. It’s all just personal preference — i.e., there’s no real “right amount of eye contact” you’re supposed to make with someone, and everyone likes different levels and types of connection. So, want to know how much eye contact is right for them? Just ask. Say something simple like, “How do you feel about eye contact during making out? What about sex?,” and see what they’re comfortable with.
How in the name of all that’s holy do I photograph my dick? I’m not sure how to make it look like anything other than a weird meat tube on camera. Help!
Like any good photo, you need the right elements. You want your partner to think you’re hygienic, so make sure you’re clean and either trimmed or shaven (unless you know they like a lot of hair, in which case more power to you). I’d also keep your background tidy, bright and minimal — in the world of dick pics, there’s no greater sin than a snapshot taken in a dark room, on an unmade bed with crumpled-up tissues littering the floor.
Next, I recommend getting your cock hard to tempt your babe. Lube it up a little bit, too — sometimes a little lube can catch the light just right and give your cock that dewy glow (a bit of sheen also blurs imperfections).
Lighting, of course, is key. I recently ordered this amazingly inexpensive and convenient tool to take video on, and it comes with a remote control to take photos of yourself with as well. The coolest part about this device is that you can change the colors of the backlight, which I’d recommend doing to see which light your dick looks best in. Soft lighting is best. Light cascading through a window can look great washing over your penis as well. But if you don’t want to splurge on a dick pic light and cascading window beams aren’t your style, no worries — just take your photo in a well-lit room and you’ll be fine.
Next thing: You’re going to want a fabulous angle. From the bottom is always best — it makes your member look larger and more powerful. Grasp it from the base — that way you can squeeze it (not too hard) and take control of its position in the frame (it’s also hot to see someone touching their cock). Try to keep your face out of the photo unless it’s requested or you feel comfortable sharing. That way, you don’t have to worry about being identified in the off-chance the photo gets out (unless you have the world’s most identifiable dick).
Lastly, I recommend asking for consent before sending your masterpiece to anyone. Even better if the person you’re sending it to initiates that request.
But keep in mind that no amount of angles, lighting or tricks of the trade can erase the fact that, at the end of the day, a penis is just a weird meat tube. Apart from the scant tips and tricks I’ve just given you, there’s nothing you can really do to change that, so be realistic with yourself and you won’t be disappointed.
I read a recent column of yours where a guy admitted he had a thing for MILFs. Your advice was great, so I’m going to try my version of that question: I’m only really into younger women. Not young young — of age, obviously, but somewhere in the 19- to 23-year-old zone. It feels shallow, but that’s just what I’m attracted to. Thing is, the older and older I get, the creepier it seems for me to be dating these women. I can’t really bring myself to be into women my age, and my friends seem really skeptical about it. Is there something wrong with me? Is there a way to keep seeing these younger women without being a creep?
Nothing is “wrong” with you — women that age are hot. They seem effortless and agreeable, and their lack of relationship and life experience can be attractive to some people because it makes them impressionable and noncommittal. In fact, I’d be willing to bet that nearly everyone who’s into women finds women that age beautiful. I totally get that. I like my men younger, too!
But the fact that you feel like you can only date them does seem limiting. And depending on how old you are, it could come off as arrested development or immaturity on your part. Because if you refuse to consider women who are more mature, what does that say about you?
Also, I hate to say this, but most women that age who date older guys are in it for the money. They have a sugar-daddy relationship with them — or something that resembles one — and they hang around for the cushiness of the older guy’s financial situation, not because they see him as an ideal partner. That was definitely the draw for me. I dated lots of older men when I was that age, and it’s worth saying that while I loved many of them and had some good times, I was into them specifically because they were established, could compensate me for my time and contributed to my career mobility.
I’m not all women, though. I’m sure there are many ladies in your target age range who would be happy to date you whether you’re a billionaire or stock boy. It’s just that, in order to avoid the heartache of coming across someone who’s more interested in your money than you mind, you might want to to get out of your comfort zone and try dating women closer to your own age.
Whether or not you do will depend on what you’re looking for. If your ideal relationship is company and a pretty face, then go right ahead and keep doing what you’re doing, haters be damned. But if you want a legitimate relationship and someone who will take you seriously as a long-term partner, you’re going to have better luck with someone closer to your age. (You could always try looking for people with youthful interests that overlap with yours as well.)
I feel like as you get older as a man, part of maturing is dating women who are on your level and of an equal — or equal-ish — age. I know this sounds like a double standard, but it’s my personal opinion and I hope you value that.
Feel free to send me your sex, love and relationship questions at firstname.lastname@example.org!