I download a ton of apps. For utility, for entertainment — sometimes because I’m just straight-up bored and I want to have something to do while I half-watch this week’s Grey’s Anatomy. Most of these (mostly free, sometimes 99-cent) apps that I casually download don’t stay on my phone for very long. Thanks to Apple and the iPhone’s limited storage capacity, you can only have so many dating apps, apps that deliver food to your doorstep and photos of your dog on your phone at once. This column is often about apps that I or other writers love; in the interest of balance, here are some that I emphatically did not.
Down to Lunch
This app has a simple concept: Do you want to hang out with your friends but you aren’t sure if they are free? Down to Lunch wants to help you avoid asking them directly by sending out a ping to all friends in nearby areas if they are indeed “Down to Lunch” (or to get drinks, see a movie, etc.). Unfortunately, none of my nearby friends are on Down to Lunch, making it way easier for me to just send a text. Texting is fun! Delete.
Virtual Beggar
“There’s a beggar in every device. Your goal is to help him out of the poverty.” That’s the description for the game Virtual Beggar, and that’s pretty much what it is. What it also does, however, is make you feel bad about giving fake coins to a fake beggar instead of real coins to real people. (Also, tapping can be really exhausting.) Delete.
Robinhood
Robinhood promises to get even the most financially literate of us into stock trading, by providing a no-fee situation in which to trade. A friend of mine told me to give it a shot, but when I realized that “succulents” and “swimming in pools” aren’t trends you can actually invest in, I quit. Robinhood is definitely cool for someone interested in low-stakes gambling, just not for me. Delete.
Star Chef
This is one of those games where you control a kitchen and restaurant by tapping things in a certain order to make food, serve food and then clean up food. People actually in the food industry might wonder why I might easily spend 10-plus hours advancing in the virtual food world, but to them I argue: I was stoned and hungry. Anyhow, things got very complicated as I got more and more hungry. Delete.
Ghost Lens + Selfie
This is an app that claims to be able to help you put “ghosts” in your photos. The way it works is that you take two different photos and adjust the opacity. Hm, doesn’t sound very spooky to me — especially when ghosts surround us always, trying to get us to take their photos. I realized that I would rather hunt for real ghosts, so I downloaded an app called “Ghost Radar.” Wish me luck! (Delete.)
Kendall & Kylie
As a huge fan of Kim Kardashian’s game, I assumed I would love the copycat version starring her sisters Kendall and Kylie. But there’s something lost in translation between the Kardashian half-siblings — where Kim’s World of Kim is somewhat charming and entertainingly self-aware, the two Jenners have turned their world into something… honestly quite annoying. Plus, once you spend hours in Kim’s game, the journey from D-List to A-List is a bit too familiar: The same company, Glu Mobile, made both games (as well as the new Britney Spears game, Britney Spears: The American Dream). Delete.
Vibes
Sometimes an app is very cool but you don’t quite know how to use it — and that can be its main problem. Vibes is a social network where you can share “vibes,” or ambient pastel-colored messages awash with ~s that capture your vibe. It’s hard to explain because it’s hard to figure out. I made a bunch of vibes and felt vibe-y, but didn’t have anyone to share them with. Delete.
djay
A dream of being a real DJ completely dashed by the fact that no app can prevent you from being “the DJ who plays music from her iPhone.” If there’s anything worse than a laptop DJ, it’s that. Sorry, Virtual DJ. Delete.
Lindsey Weber is an editor at MEL.
